Jerks

Question - Why do mean crave attention from other girls even though they are in a relationship? Is it because they find it exciting, is it to feed their ego or is it just to make them feel alive? I'm totally quizzical. They may seem like a loyal guy and treats you well but when you are not around, they are total jerks. They secretly calls, e-mail and message their "admirers", their long time lovers.. why do men have to play with fire? They don't want to lose the relationship but still could not help themselves when it comes to other woman. When their woman finds out, they will wiggle their way out of the lie and expect the woman to actually believe what they are saying. Do woman look that stupid to you? Don't insult us. We are smarter than we want you to think.

One lie after another. How much can one take? Love is love. But a heart can only be hurt that much. Woman can be soft hearted, forgive you and take you back. But once you push her too hard, enough is enough. No matter what you do or beg for her forgiveness, all you can see in her eyes is hurt, hate and betrayal. Don't push your luck.

Peanut my baby

Isn't he the cutest? :-)

Homesick...

Woke up really early today.. feeling really homesick. I miss my family, i miss my girlfriends, i miss everything close to home.. i miss the food... yes.. foood... things that i use to take forgranted by not eating more! hehe. Never knew I would miss everything about home. Its such an irony how I used to imagine living abroad, how "cool" it would be and how exciting it would make me feel. But the FACT is that its not easy. There's an emptiness I feel. Feel soooo lonely at times and I'll just cry myself to sleep. :-( *sobs* The grass on the other side is not always greener. Its true.

Selling Grapes

It's been a long time since I've work.. gosh... when was the last time I worked? Jan 2009... I've been bumming for quite some time now...

I've been looking for a job in Dubai for quite some time now.. the first few months, I was actively looking for a job.. and then my hopes got lower and lower.. I'm soooo demotivated. Looking for a job as Malaysian here is not easy. Searching for a job here is really hard because lower level jobs are mainly for Filipinos and Indians and they pay really low and on the other hand, jobs for higher level jobs they require "Western educated" and also Arabic speaking! As a Malaysian, I'm stuck between the 2 ! I can't believe how racist they are even on the recruitment page! they will even specify the race they want for the job! only indians or Filipino will be considered, only arabic speaking candidates, only westerners can apply.. etc etc.wtf?!

I really feel so useless at home sometimes. BORED!!! I'm always on facebook refreshing my page to see what's up with people, clicking on the links, pictures, videos.. gosh... I seriously need a life!! I miss waking up early in the morning, dressing up to work - wearing a work suit and high heels, sitting in my office, answering emails and having lunch with my colleagues, staying up in office till its 11 pm and cursing my work! (The "past ME" would kill the "future ME" for saying this. hehe)

Hopefully I will get a job soon. I promise I wont be fussy about the pay anymore (as long as they pay me decently of course, but I would definitely not work for free! Please please give me a job so that I can pay for my holidays and buy loads of bags... I <3 shopping.....

Emo Day

Feeling really emo right now. Listening to music fullblast and fcuk with the world! Why must everything be so fcuk up and complicated?? Do u really think I'm that stupid? I'm just gonna sit here and let u talk bullshit to me? who do u think I am? whatever.. I'll just continue minding my own goddamn business and u do what u want.

Dear God..

Death is nothing else but going home to God, the bond of love will be unbroken for all eternity. Mother Teresa

I'll be flying off to Singapore for a funeral in 7 hours time. Allan's aunt passed away after losing her fight with leukemia. I've never met or know her but my heart sanks when I heard the news. I'm not good in dealing with losses especially when it comes to my love ones.. The only funeral I attended was my great grandmother's funeral and it broke my heart.. I remembered crying my heart out and I felt a sense of loss and emptiness inside knowing that I will never see her smile or laugh again or just kissing me on the forehead and said, "cucu gua dah besar"..

I know that she is in heaven and she is in God's hand and that she is happy.. and I hope she still remembers me when I meet her there one day.

I pray that God will bless my family and protect them from any harm. Please don't ever take my family away from me. Please keep them safe..

Random thoughts..

Let me put this in words, there are many occasion we as human being take things so personal, at times too deep whether at work or just simply personal, u may ask why, simply stick to the fact that we are just human and we have feelings, love, pain, anger, sad and whatsoever.

Sometimes, just sometimes perhaps for most people all the time, we tend to regret and wish to turn back the hand of time to fix the wrong things right… it’s casual to have such thoughts, it’s also bothering.

I’m 26 this year, when I look back at my series of life, I wander upon the brick of wall in front of me…surrounding me, what have I achieved? Not so much in material and career aspect but more towards pursuing my happiness and hopes of having my own family. Does it worth it? Am I certain that the choices I make is right? Will I ever be certain that I will achieve what I hope and dream? What would happen if all of my dreams and hopes are crushed? What if things go wrong?... I ask myself that question over and over again.. will I regret my decisions? I know what I'm doing... This is the path I choose to walk into and I believe in love. No matter how insane it sounds. But I just have faith that everything is going to turn out just fine.

There are people we miss but we will never be able to meet them or touch them anymore, perhaps we could, only through the sensation of thoughts lay in our mind heart. What does life means to you? Does it mean to live and achieve something material? Driving a nice car? Living in a nice house? Or measure in the sense of what you have? Let me ask a question here; when you are down is there someone that you can rely on? To speak to? Understand you, listen to you, hold in their arms and whisper in your ear that everything is ok? If no, then you are successful? For me, living is not measured in the context of materialization but living only can be meaningful shall you be able to live an impact in someone’s life, so strong that your name and your spirit will live within them and that they will pass this on from generation to generation and make this world a better place for every face we once know and for every smile that we miss…